Lyudmila Prokaeva is 56 years old. She has been injecting drug user for 30 years. Lyudmila found that she has AIDs, when she decided to let go of her past and entered a methadone program. With the disease reaching its terminal stage, in a last attempt to correct past mistakes, Lyudmila opened this blog to publicly tell what she has passed through and warn others from repeating her mistakes.
Edward, Lyudmila’s son, is second hero of the blog. He decided not to use his real name. As a child, Edward went through a lot with his mother and hides his past because society is cruel to families of people suffering from drug addiction. Challenges have not only shaped his personality, but also spawned numerous complexes and psychological problems. Immense love for his mother got mixed with the shame for her and her past. He managed to carry out the love for her through cynicism and cruelty of real day to day “addicted” reality, but he cannot live knowing that his mother is going to die soon. He will have to build his future on a shaky ground left by his mother and find his place in this world and accept his past – quite an overwhelming task to him.
The last months of her life Lyudmila devotes to his socialization. She tries to help him to join an independent life, not be ashamed of the past and not be afraid of the future. She is looking for advice, consults with doctors, psychologists, openly talks about her life, trying to warn him of her mistakes. But Edward does not accept help from strangers. He rejects others’ advice, but he himself does not see solutions to problems. Lyudmila understands that she cannot leave him alone with this internal conflict, but her condition is critical since she might not have enough time…
