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09.11.2012 13:37 Day 59
Behind bars
The investigation went on for almost a year. For all that time, I tried to get prepared for the prison. I knew for sure that the term would be serious, since the medical examination proved that I needed a compulsory medical treatment. My husband explained some rules and orders, how I was supposed to act and etc. There is still a huge difference between the women’s and men’s jails, but I’ve never known anyone, who was in the women’s jail. about the trial just the day before it. Mom was literally shocked. She couldn’t believe that her daughter would be judged. About the fact that I use drugs, she learned at the day of the trial. She demanded me to tell the truth, but I couldn’t. The crime buddies were not in the court for sure. My husband was walking near the court building. I was sentenced for one year of imprisonment. The said that I must learn whom to make friends with next time. He didn’t also believe that these drugs were mine, cause the guys we ran the crime business with had such a rich biography.
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07.11.2012 10:27 Day 57
The car crash
A few days ago, I was at the crossroads in a car, owned by my employer. Suddenly, the bus rushed on the red light, crashing Lada on the way, which crossed the road at that time. Further he tried to drive out, but again crashed couple of cars and finally reached me. I didn’t understand, what happened. I was on my way, thinking about something, when suddenly received such a bump into the front part. Having left the car, I heard how someone was screaming. I called the ambulance. It turned out that the man from Lada car was screaming, and the owner of the bus was also yelling at him. “Are you blind? What a hell are you driving on the red light?”, the bus driver was hysterically screaming. Although everyone witnessed that it was bus that violated the road regulations.
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05.11.2012 11:04 Day 55
Silently and Hating each other
There were cases, when I was on the edge to be imprisoned again, but a keeper seemed to guard me all the time. As it usually happens the trouble came from nowhere. One familiar swindler of my husband went to work in the Issyk-Kul, after buying a new Lada and we decided to ride with them, just to relax. My husband, of course, had a small money interest - he was, let’s say, in the role of the independent viewer, who watched the game and whether all the rules were obeyed. He never participated, cause watching was a sort of his hobby and passion. You find out the best of people – this is what he always said.
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02.11.2012 14:36 Day 52
Trapped
When I wasn’t already injected for free, I realized that I needed the monthly salary of an average worker, so I can keep my doze. I never had this money and could quite already. You see, I got hooked on it. My life has lost its meaning without drugs. Indeed, it’s very important, cause I enjoyed this state – the perfect mood and artificial happiness. “Kind people”, who put me on drugs, unobtrusively started to advice various types of earning money. Obviously, it was related with criminal. They introduced me people, who needed a young girl, full of energy for their machinations. Of course, they knew my life views, therefore, I was not offered to steal or something like that. Usually it was something like cheating or buying and reselling something.
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31.10.2012 17:25 Day 50
Enough for me
I hate drug addicts, I would even kill all of them, let it be my will. When I see mom’s friends, everything is boiling in me. As far as I remember myself, I always noticed that mom was injecting. I don’t even know, when I learned what kind of injection it was. Perhaps, it happened when we had to live outside. Hunger, cold... I didn't like living at the place of people, whom I’ve never seen before. Obviously, I didn’t enjoy losing mom because of drugs. Something changed in me, when I was 13…
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29.10.2012 19:31 Day 48
My first injection
Before the fourth year of my study I accidentally met a girl Natasha, with whom we studied till the eight’s grade in a high school. She was so nice, kind and helpful. I knew that she was married to a disabled person and even brought up his child of around nine years old.That time I thought it really showed her kind nature. They had car and apartment. They visited me more often and took me out of town couple of times. First, I used to refuse, but then became their frequent guest.
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27.10.2012 10:02 Day 46
Purification
Before I got into the hospital, I accidentally fall across a newsletter named “The way to God”. It was written how the person, tired of living in depravity, dirt and sin, prayed to God: "How to find a way to you? Give me a sign! ". He visited churches, changed confessions, but nothing changed in his life, everything was absolutely the same. The wayfarer replied: “Ask for forgiveness and confess.” He had confessed for a long time, he remembered all his past sins, but his life didn’t change, only the burden of sins pressed harder and harder, and the man got into terrible despair. Then he met another wayfarer, who said: “God has faced his son to terrible sufferings, so you will be forgiven: for past, future and for the present. Try to accept this forgiveness with all your soul.”
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24.10.2012 11:35 Day 43
About death
It’s really hard to explain your feelings, when you lose a close person. I’m 20 now, and I have already buried two close people and can’t lose someone else. First, my grandma died. I was around 6, but I remember everything so clearly. I was the last one, whom she saw before dying. Grandma was paralyzed, and she lay at home for twenty-four hours. At that moment, mom went to make tea for grandma and I stayed next to her. She was breathing loudly. She said she loved me and that the time to die had come. I said that I also loved her and then she stopped wheezing.
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22.10.2012 14:54 Day 41
While it´s not too late
I don´t feel comfortable while talking about my health problems. Moreover, the prognosis is quite disappointing. I’ve just recovered from the high temperature and blood pressure, when the eye sores started to appear. I have glaucoma in one eye and burst retina in another. Two months ago, I was under the examination of oculist. At that time, I had the increased eye pressure, and the doctor warned me about the risk of getting glaucoma with years. I have treated the pressure, but in two months and not in couple of years, as the doctor said, I gained glaucoma. I was assigned a special treatment. Every single day and hour I dripped the medication into my eyes. However now, I have another problem. A week later, the medications resulted in the eye candidosis. Having the weak immune system, the body doesn’t accept medications. So far, I don’t really feel better. I went on the consultation with my former doctor to the Bishkek AIDS Health Center (She is not working there anymore). She said that it’s gonna be like that all the time. I will be treated from one disease, while another one will appear, until the immune system won’t increase.
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19.10.2012 12:00 Day 38
Return from the graveside
A long time ago, I noticed that after any nervous breakdowns, even the minor one, the serious chronic diseases, which you seem to forget about, usually become sharper. As a result of my recent worries, I started to feel really bad. My blood pressure decreased and I felt the strong crack-up with a temperature around 37-38. In 4 days the ambulance deliriously brought me to the hospital with the temperature of around 40. Three days later, I felt candidosis in my throat and started to take antifungal medications. In the hospital X-rays showed the acute bronchitis and pneumonia
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