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24.09.2012 12:37 Day 13
Relapse
I have no doubts that 9 - year methadone program was a right decision, although sometimes I changed my mind. The first year of my program was wonderful, my soul and body were relaxed and well-rested. I´ve got rid of many problems: there are no races for drugs anymore. I have no need to search for money and I have a lot of time. I get up in the morning thinking that it’s not gonna hurt today. The most important is that I don’t care about cops anymore. It is just the paradise I live in! I gained almost 20 kilos, despite the fact that I was already HIV positive. I started to spend much more time with my son, take care of him and he’s become closer, even though he doesn’t understand completely what has changed. I told him that I’m not that sick anymore, cause before he could only hear phrases like “leave me alone, I’m sick”, or “I’m busy” etc.
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21.09.2012 12:50 Day 10
The least of evils
I learned about methadone two years ago before the program of MRMT1 was launched. At that time, this topic was widely discussed among the addicts and almost no one believed into the fact that drugs will be provided legally, but I personally hoped for this to become true. Finally, in 2003, I was one of the first to hear about the launch of this program. The next day, me, Slavik and Olya applied for the program at the NCA2. The therapy restrictions were severe enough, i.e. the experience of the injecting drug abuse must be no less than 15-20 years. Before applying for this program, the addict must have been treated no less than one or two times in state institutions and his analyses must have shown the presence of opioid drugs in the body. We had to wait for more than a month. When this information was confirmed, we were placed in the hospital in order to define the required dose of methadone. In 10 days, I was the 19th in the list of accepted.
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19.09.2012 09:36 Day 8
I won’t let anyone horn in my life
During the daytime I usually sleep, and work at nights. I get up at 4-5 pm, then I hang out with my friends and folks. Do my own stuff. At 9 pm, I go to work. I think about the daily routine, solve problems that arise during the day. I guess, I live a happy life, many people can envy me.
I have my own family, mother, whom I love very much. She fully understands me and supports. I never hide her from my close ones and they know each other, talk on the phone, if needed. Mom always knows where I am and with whom. I don’t really see how mother’s past can influence on my relationships with friends and etc. Al least I’ve never gone through the situation like that.
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18.09.2012 10:13 Day 7
The fear in the eyes of Edik
My son is 20 years old. He seems to be quite mature, however sufferings and moral pain that he went through, turned him into vulnerable and unsociable person. Small problems can lead him to the breakdown and in these weak moments he can mess many things up. Especially in these moments he needs a person next to him, who will be able to help him with a soft and very tactic approach. I pray the God for the woman, who will stay with him, when I leave. Although, there are only a few among youth who listen to the older generation, I think I will be able to teach her how to keep your home in peace. The main thing is her love to him. Love works miracles.
Right now, he feels comfortable and protected next to me, however at 13 he could have stayed alone. Standing at the verge of death, I saw the fear in his eyes. He never saw anything good from my side and was left for himself, whereas I was under the drugs’ control.
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15.09.2012 08:45 Day 4
Coming to the Last Act
It’s been a hard month. Depression is never long in coming. Having passed all the main analyses, I felt so clearly how in a year, all my internal organs grew older to 15-20 years: senile changes in lungs, senile change in the bone tissue, compression of the bile cyst and etc. Just a year ago, I thought that Antiretroviral Therapy (ART) made me look so ugly only outerly.
All this thanks to disorder and illiteracy of infectiologists from Russian AIDS Agency, who prescribed me stavudine without any examination hoping only for hit-or-miss. Moreover, they never asked me how the therapy passed. Specialist, who prescribed me this treatment, was literally shocked, when he saw me in a year and 4 months. He further insisted on cancelling the therapy. Over these 1, 5 years, I lost around 20 kilos. I noticed how my arms became skinny, the belly inflated, my skin sagged and shrunk, and the face looked like a baked apple.
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12.09.2012 12:00 Day 1
The matter of life prolongation
Hello. I’ll start with the reasons which made me start this blog. Pompous though it would sound, this is my confession to God, my dream of forgiveness and great desire that my story should stop someone, at least, one person who is on the verge of disaster (believe me, it’s never too late). And, of course, I don’t want to dodge, the financial aspect is also important. Better food, buying medicines – it’s a matter of prolongation of my life.
Well, by this moment my illness that lasts for a month exhausted me so much that I hold on only thanks to my will power. I keep thinking, moving and planning my future. My illness started with a banal intoxication. I was hospitalized, one illness was cured, but my organism’s reaction to drugs caused worsening of my health’s condition and a new diagnosis - digestive tract candidiasis. Further examination revealed a couple of other diseases, to put in plain language.
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